Who wants to write about the prognosis of their hero? Of the most amazing person you have ever known? Not me.
I’m sure that is why I have avoided the blog for some time.
When I drove my Mom to surgery on July 23rd, 2012 – I never ever ever EVER imagined the journey she was about the embark upon. Neither did she. Nor did any of us realize what she would go through from that moment forward.
And none of us, including her, ever imagined the outcome. Ever imagined any of this. It’s so difficult to process what we fear most. It’s human nature to shut out what we fear.
Next to July 23rd… February 6th was the hardest day of our lives. The hardest day of my life without a doubt.
I was driving up the CA coastline celebrating my 38th birthday with Kim, when we came in to cell range. My phone lit up with messages and text messages when we hit a small patch of service. Feb. 6th was the day my Mom met with Dr. Beck to discuss the PT scans they took just days earlier to see how the chemotherapy had worked and what her prognosis was.
ALL of us were optimistic. NONE of us expected what we heard.
At this point, my Mom had gone through what I consider to be two stages of treatment for the cancer they discovered: the first being surgery. During surgery they removed cancer masses. Masses they could see with their eye. And they removed as much as they could see and get to.
The second stage was chemo: systemically attacking cancer cells that you can’t see. They put my Mom on what they consider to be the strongest treatment for her type of cancer. Although she was just one treatment shy, what Dr. Beck told us is that she is “Primary Refractory”. What does that mean? That means, she is treatment resistant. What does that mean? That means that the chemotherapy she received didn’t work.
Not only did it not work, but from the scans, it appears that the cancer has grown and spread since treatment began.
There are other chemo treatments still available, but they aren’t as effective. And above all, my Mom, even before the results, had made up her mind… she is not going to receive any more treatments or surgeries.
What is stage 3? Quality of life and doing what ever my Mom wants to do now… that is most important.
Remembering to love, to forgive, to forget, to play, to laugh, to dance, not to worry, not to sweat the small stuff… that is what is most important for all of us. Now and always.